Our sweet Malachi fought fevers all week long, sometimes running up to 102 and sometimes dropping down to 97. Usually when this range happens it is a symptom of his brain damage, particularly the part that controls his temperature regulation. He still didn’t have any other symptoms and he had just finished up a two week round of antibiotics so I was skeptical we were dealing with infection. His oxygen levels were also staying strong so lung infection was pretty low on the probability list.

But then the mom brain kicked in and I started the what if game. And when you have a non-verbal kid it makes it truly a guessing game.

What if this is a shunt malfunction? Malachi is crushing the statistics for kids with VP shunts, never having a malfunction in over 9 years. If this is a malfunction we need to go into emergency brain surgery.

What if this is a simple ear infection and he can’t tell me that his ears hurt?

What if this is a urinary tract infection from all the diarrhea we have been dealing with for the last several weeks?

What if this is CDIFF, a common infection that can happen after a round of antibiotics on immunocompromised kids like Malachi?

The closer we inched to the weekend the more I started envisioning the “what if” game turning into a weekend emergency room visit. So on Thursday I took him in to see the pediatrician and see if we could rule out some things on my list.

Final result: Malachi has rhinovirus/enterovirus which appears as a very mild common cold to some but can show up in stronger ways with medically complex kids. Truthfully, this was really good news compared to the other options on the list.

Malachi’s fever has finally stopped but he did require some nighttime supplemental oxygen this weekend to keep his numbers up. The older Malachi gets the more impact these relatively minor things have on his body. This has been really hard for me to mentally accept, and I have to work very hard at holding every thought captive. I can spiral pretty quickly into a dark place when I focus on it too much.

With the many unknowns this week we stayed close to home, playing lots of make believe and attempting more homeschool.

Levi has been a sweetheart this week and has started preparing snacks for he and I to eat before we start our lessons for the day. He calls it our “homeschool snack” and he puts on his “homeschool pants” as well. Not really sure where that one came from, but it makes me laugh.

Both boys have been making me laugh a lot lately. Watching them grow is such a blessing.

This morning we sang a hymn at church titled “Great is Thy Faithfulness”. It was written in the late 1800s and the author used Lamentation 3:22-24 as his guide for the words.

As my walk with God has grown over the last few decades so has my list of adjectives for Him. Yes, I can say that God is faithful but I have never taken time to really think through what His faithfulness specifically looks like in my story.

He has been faithful to provide time and time again: financially, physically, emotionally.

He has been faithful to give me portions of His peace, allowing His strength to fill the gaps when mine is not enough.

He has been faithful to grant me wisdom in the care of my children.

He has been faithful to bring me new mercies each and every day.

He has been faithful to catch me each time I trip and fall.

And the more I think about moments of His faithfulness and His consistency in my life and my walk with Him the more thankful my heart becomes.

In my world of chaos I can fully trust that God will still be faithful and very present.

Psalm 91:4 “He will cover you with His pinions, and under His wings you may take refuge; His faithfulness is a shield and wall.”

I love the visual of His faithfulness being a shield and a wall. It is something that is so tangible in my walk with Him that I can carry it with me and use it as a line of defense against the mental attacks that inevitably come.

It is a wall that the devil has to try to scale before he can plant a seed of doubt.

I am so thankful for the beautiful gift of the faithfulness of God.

And I find myself really questioning if God is able to say the same about my faithfulness to Him? Am I reliable in our relationship?

This week I am thanking God for His faithfulness and provision in my life. What an act of love from my Father!

God bless,

Leah