There are weeks that I feel overwhelmingly blessed by God…this week has been one of those weeks!

 

Aside from some temperature regulation issues with Malachi both of the boys have been healthy and happy. Jake had the day off on Monday so we did what we typically do on slower days- take the boys into town. I know that sounds very “Little House on the Prairie” but it is a thirty minute drive to the nearest big town so to us it is a big adventure. Jake and I received several gift cards over the holidays so it doesn’t take much prodding for us to head into town for a nice meal together! The boys both absolutely love any adventure outside of the house and I don’t have to cook so it is a win-win for everyone. I am also able to run quick errands into stores without having to unpack the wheelchairs, strollers, and children.

Tuesday was a rookie “tubie mom” catastrophe day. It was a long day of appointments so I packed enough gear and food to get the boys through 7pm that night. We made the one hour drive to Malachi’s orthotics guy to pick up his new AFOs and on the drive I noticed a faint smell of formula. Levi had spit up in his car seat a few days before so I assumed it was a leftover stench and tried to ignore it. But then I saw it…his feed bag had tipped over in the front seat and spilled 12 hours worth of formula into the cloth seat. Aside from the obvious mess there was also the issue that he now didn’t have any food for our jam packed appointment day.

We made the hour drive all the way back home to refill his feed bag, clean the front seat, and repack the bag of spare clothes that came into contact with the mess. Then we had just enough time to race 45 minutes away for the next set of appointments. I am waiting for a hot day to tell me whether or not I got all the formula out of the seat…cross your fingers for me.

Here is a photo of Malachi’s new orthotics. Not a huge fan of the white but he definitely wanted the Superman ones so we are going to make it work.

Our boy was a rockstar this week on his horse! We are still making our list of pros and cons on the Epidiolex and use therapist input to help us see the changes. His PT is worried about his decrease in head control but his hippotherapist was thrilled with how vocal and interactive he was on the horse this week. This sweet photo popped up in my Facebook this week (it is from 3 years ago):

Jake celebrated a birthday this week- it is hard in our world to take the time to celebrate us. The boys and I ordered him a giant cookie cake and bought him an escape room game for us to play at the house. The goal is to solve the codes in 60 minutes….it took us 150 minutes to solve the “easy” one but we enjoyed the challenge haha.

Levi is starting to grow a pretty legit head of hair!

He is getting stronger day by day. He is still not crawling but he is so close! We head back to the eye doctor this week to talk about surgery.

Malachi celebrates his 6th birthday next week so we are brainstorming ways to celebrate. Last year we were in the Ronald House in Cincinnati and we didn’t get the chance to celebrate him like we wanted. It doesn’t take much to bring a smile to his face but we want to do something special. I wish you could have seen Malachi’s face this week when he got a balloon from the grocery store- uncontrollable giggling! And for the record, Levi is going through a “scared of balloons” phase haha.

I have been hit this week with waves of nausea as I have read news headlines about New York’s Reproductive Health Act.

Section 2 of the bill creates a new Article 25-A of the Public Health
Law (PHL), which states that an abortion May be performed by a
licensed, certified, or authorized practitioner within 24 weeks from
the commencement of pregnancy, or there is an absence of fetal
viability, or at any time when necessary to protect a patient's life
or health.

Much of this bill is not new information. The concept of abortion absolutely goes against my beliefs and has always made me sick to my stomach, but seeing it be celebrated has brought a whole new level of sadness. As you already know, Malachi was born unexpectedly at 24 weeks gestation…a point in the pregnancy that he could have been legally aborted.

During the emergency c-section I lost 1.5 liters of blood and almost lost my own life. It was a traumatic birth and a day that will forever be burned into my heart and mind.

If I knew then what I know now…

That my son would be severely disabled.

That I would never sleep a full night again.

That the feeling of helplessness and defeat would overwhelm me daily.

That Malachi will grow into an adult that still wears diapers.

That the probability of me burying my child is overwhelmingly high.

That the mental, physical, and emotional toll this life takes on my body is almost too much to bear.

That the weight of parenting a special needs child takes a toll on marriage.

That life would never be what I dreamed it would and riddled with disappointments and unmet expectations.

…I would absolutely do it all over again. Without hesitation, without regret.

Malachi is God’s child. And God designed him for this earth.

Abortion is not God’s plan. And the pain my heart feels as I watch these celebrations over unspeakable evils is just a tiny fraction to the sadness God must carry over our fallen world.

2 Peter 2:11-12 “Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage against your soul. Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.”

I am finding so much comfort in this verse as it reminds me that we are aliens and strangers in this world. This is simply a temporary place we are passing through, with our end destination routed for an eternal life with God. This world that we are in is riddled and plagued with sin and darkness…but this is not what we were made for.

So what are we called to do in this temporary life in a fallen world? “Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God…”

We are to speak through our actions. We are to be different. Self-denying. Living for His glory instead of our own. We are to live counter-culturally.

Romans 12:2 “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

 I have been praying that God would unfold more of His calling on my life and lead me to the opportunities to pursue it. I feel that God has given our family a testimony that is meant to be shared, as our lives have stamps of God’s glory written all over them.

This almost feels narcissistic to type but if you ever need a special speaker for your Bible study or event please let me know- I am not an excellent public speaker but would love to allow God to use me as a mouthpiece to share our story with your group. I feel like God is opening a new door for me to pursue so I am walking forward in obedience. Contact me at: jacobandleah@gmail.com

Thank you for being faithful in prayer for our family. We have felt so loved this week by random acts of kindness from strangers, an avenue we know God uses to remind us of His provisions. We are blessed so much more than we deserve. God is good.

Much love,

Leah

 

 

 

 

Well ladies and gentlemen, Malachi lost a tooth. It was there when we put him to bed and nowhere to be found by 3am when he got up, so we are assuming he swallowed it.

When I noticed it was gone I asked Malachi “Did you lose a tooth?” and his face grew very concerned as he processed my question. I explained to him that when baby boys grow up into big boys their teeth get loose and they fall out to make room for “man teeth” like daddy’s. He really liked hearing that and was so proud.

When we went back into the bedroom around 4:30 he was trying his best to wake up Jake with his sweet little hand to tell him about the tooth. I woke Jake up so Malachi could share the news and we made sure to tell all of his church friends about it this morning.

I also explained to Malachi that some kids believe in something called the tooth fairy, but that she is just pretend. I asked him if he wanted to put a note under his pillow tonight and see if there was a surprise in the morning and he signed “yes, yes”. So tonight we wrote a note!

The concentration on his face in this picture makes me smile.

And formally signing his name…

Let me explain a bit here. As you are surely aware by now Jake and I believe in God! We just simply can’t deny God’s existence, power, and love after witnessing all that He has done in our lives, especially over the last 5 years.

Because of that, we are very cautious to present any imaginary characters as “real” to our boys, especially Malachi. We want him to know about pretend vs real, but never have any confusions about the realness of God. So we don’t do the Santa thing, Easter Bunny, or Tooth Fairy. But we do explain that some people like to pretend just to be silly.

Speaking of imaginations we let him listen to Jurassic Park last night, fast forwarding through the scariest parts. Oh my, he was so into it! Especially the t-rex scenes.

A few more Malachi updates: his neurological fever came back again Friday night. He went from a completely normal temp to 101 within an hour. We stripped him down and it started to drop slowly then took him to hypothermic (96 degrees) by midnight. We bundled him back up and put him under the covers with me and his body finally leveled out within 24 hours.

I get so anxious when these random fevers hit, always wondering in the back of my mind if this will be the sickness that takes him to heaven. That may sound dramatic and over the top to you, but it is a possible reality for me. This is the time of year that I see death after death of children like Malachi in my support groups. It always starts out as something simple like a cold and things spiral downwards very fast.

Our local schools closed on Friday due to sickness and several kids and teachers in Malachi’s class at school have the flu. I am so thankful that I haven’t sent him in over a week and a half!

Malachi got a new toy this week as an early birthday gift from his grandpa and grandma. It is a switch adapted toy where three little penguins continuously climb a set of stairs and one by one slide down the slide. It makes lots of fun noises. We have been trying to use it as a teaching tool for Malachi as there are 10 stairs. We will give him a number to stop on, like 5 steps and he is pretty good at controlling it! He knows his numbers/counting much better than we realized!

And then there is Levi. Wild as ever and NEVER STOPS MOVING!!!

Levi has been working hard these last few weeks at eating. I remember talking about the g-tube in the NICU and saying “As soon as I get him home we will teach him how to eat in no time.” We felt confident at the time of that statement that he was not aspirating so I felt confident in pushing him. But then we did the rib graft and popped his airway open a bit more. My confidence level in him protecting his airway has been compromised and we don’t want to do anything that might cause him to aspirate. It just isn’t a battle worth fighting hard for right now.

But we want him to be able to handle food from a sensory standpoint so we are working hard in feeding therapy with both boys. Levi has a major control issue so as long as he is in charge of the food source he will tolerate it for a few seconds. He still needs some major convincing before he will put anything in his mouth, but we are making progress. This jello picture was a rare and wonderful moment of bravery on Levi’s part.

Levi is turning into quite the momma’s boy.

But he sure does love his daddy. This week while Jake was at school Levi called his name over and over again. I thought Jake would enjoy hearing it so I took this short video:

We were pretty non-stop this week taking each day hour by hour. On Tuesday we had a soccer banquet to honor our girl’s achievements this season. It was a wonderful chance to speak some life into these young ladies.

I normally try not to put pictures of others in the blog, but I made an exception tonight for our beautiful MVP for the season…her dad and aunt read the blog each week and I figured they wouldn’t mind 🙂

Jake and I overexert ourselves quite often. But we never do anything that we don’t feel like God is calling us to do. And we truly believe that God won’t call us to something without giving us the strength and ability to do it. Our plates are more full than most, but it also gives us a greater opportunity to practice fully relying on God like the Bible calls us to do. While we love coaching soccer, we also feel that it is something we are called to do. There are so many young teens in our community that don’t get the chance to encounter Jesus, and if we can plant a seed in their hearts then it is worth all the extra stress and energy.

I have my times of doubt, and even had one this week. Anytime you enter a competitive realm you see sides of people that you may not have ever seen. Each season we are cursed at by parents, berated, and gossiped about. Our reputation, motives, and decisions are always called into question. One of our main coaching goals each season is to build the self-esteem and confidence of each of our players…to be accused of tearing them down is hard to listen to.

I ran into a parent this week and the encounter was so tense it made me sick to my stomach. 99% of the time these emotions that we receive are based on false ideas and rumors but being on the receiving end of all the negativity can be stifling. It is always a difficult pill to swallow when people choose to believe things that go against your character.

After I left the presence of this parent I got in my car and prayed. We have always said that the moment our coaching interferes with our ability to witness to others we need to step away. I thought to myself, “Is now the time?” The next night we had our banquet and I felt the presence of God as Jake and I spoke about each of the girls. As I listened to Jake speak I heard the love of Christ- even though he didn’t mention a single word about God.

As Christians, our desire isn’t to push our beliefs on anyone. Our desire is simply to reflect the light of God to the world. It isn’t our job to change, convert, or convict anyone. That is never a command from God. But we are called to “let your light (God’s presence within us) shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:16

We don’t ever truly know what the effects of that light on these girls may ultimately be but for now we choose to obey God’s calling and coach.

We have been battling lots of spiritual attacks lately in the roles God has placed us in. Truthfully, it is disheartening and frustrating to be fighting such big battles amidst all the personal ones we have going on. As I prepared the children’s lesson this week I read a verse and it was the reminder I needed…

To set the scene, Moses had just led the children of Israel out of Egypt and they were camping by the Red Sea. They looked on the horizon and saw Pharoh’s army barreling down on them, and as you would expect they started to panic. Moses prayed to God then delivered these beautiful words:

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Exodus 14:14

I can apply this to soooo many areas of our lives right now. We feel that we have been strategically placed by God exactly where we are meant to be (parents to our special boys, coaches, youth pastors…) but we keep looking at the horizon and seeing armies poised to attack. The instinct to panic is strong.

But the truth is that when you are in the will of God there is a confidence in knowing that He will fight FOR you. You need only to be still and listen for directives from Him. There is NOTHING that the enemy can do to overpower you when you are walking in the will of God.

So this week I am going to continue to try to practice the ever-challenging art of being still, even amidst adversity. Being still brings Him more glory that my knee-jerk reactions could ever do. God, please help me to be still in the presence of my enemies.

Final note: This blog really spoke to me this week and addressed a lot of the comments we typically get about us being “super parents”, which is very far from the truth! We are just like every other decent parent, wanting to do everything in our power to give our kids a wonderful life! https://www.patheos.com/blogs/notalonespecialneedsparenting/2019/01/im-not-supermom/?fbclid=IwAR3vQCdPZljoTGEF0mxdEeaqyACJ4r-hVBuNVZZXPyGnYdFj9BnDLVyR75g

May God speak to you this week, and may you be still enough to hear Him!

Love,

Leah

This week has been filled with heartwarming brother moments, medical frustrations, and our typical weariness. Let’s start out with a feel good and talk about the brotherly love.

 

There have been several times this week that I have felt my heart melt in ways I didn’t know were possible. Levi has become infatuated with Malachi and wants to be close to him at all times. The new chair at the office is just large enough for them to snuggle in and Levi is constantly trying to find his way in it to sit with Malachi. Every morning they sit and watch cartoons together or play with a toy.

Levi can’t always activate Malachi’s big boy toys like Malachi; when he gets frustrated by one he will reach over and grab Malachi’s hand and try to get him to show him how, which Malachi absolutely loves. It is so sweet getting to see Malachi be the big brother and to see Levi look to him for guidance. I wish the world could see Malachi through the eyes of Levi!

Malachi treasures their cuddle time and will even give Levi kisses when they are cuddling. Here is a video:

Levi has been “kissing” Malachi back but doesn’t quite have the grasp of what a “normal kiss” is like- he mimics what Malachi is doing and licks Malachi’s forehead. Then he turns and smiles at me, so proud of his gesture.

The pureness of their love has made me an emotional mess this week. But those are the type of things I will gladly give my emotions to.

Here is another sweet video of Malachi laughing at the cuddles:

We had a whole slew of appointments this week to navigate around. Dentist, Gastroenterology, feeding therapies, pulmonology, physical therapies….

Malachi has a loose tooth which is an interesting little adventure. He only has one real tooth- all the others have been whittled down and crowned due to lack of enamel. As soon as the loose tooth gets a little looser we will likely yank it to keep him from swallowing it/choking on it accidentally.

Here is a photo of him and daddy playing some soccer this week in his Wild Raptor!

The GI visit for each of the boys went well and we have made some significant changes in each of their feeding regiments. As usual the doctors want Malachi to plump up a bit more. I have been trying so hard to help Malachi get through the tube anxiety and was able to do one pump feed every day this week.

Levi is one plump little one year old and looking more and more like a big boy these days. He is nearly 21 pounds and big brother is weighing in at 27 pounds.

This week we tried some sensory play in some mac and cheese…it didn’t make it into his mouth but progress nonetheless.

Levi also had a pulmonology appointment to get his synagis shot (medication that lessens the effects of RSV if he gets it). These appointments are extremely fast since we don’t have to see a doctor, it is administered by a nurse. The appointment was at the new outpatient center I was telling you about previously. We made the hour drive, checked in and watched our name like a hawk on the screen. One by one every other name disappeared from that screen yet ours remained. I thought “Surely they didn’t forget about us?” seeing as I was staring at the same screen they were.

But alas, we were forgotten once again. I know I have shared this with you before, but there are few things that make me more emotional than being forgotten at specialist appointments. It is so much work to get the boys loaded up and on time to doctors visits and seeing the efforts to respect their time not reciprocated does me in. It had been over an hour and both the boys were cranky, VERY stinky, and momma was emotionally fragile. I fought back tears during the 5 minute appointment feeling more isolated than ever before…even the medical professionals just don’t seem to get it…the difficult nature of our every day.

Of course, the emotions from that carried over into the rest of my week and put me in a dark place. And oh, how dangerous those dark places can be. Jake was gone for two days on a church retreat leaving me with my thoughts.

One of the biggest thought consumers these days has been what the future looks like for Jake and I. Someone posted this picture on Facebook this week and it overwhelmed me a bit.

This picture portrays the natural route that many parents take. But our picture is meant to be a little different, and sometimes the unknown of that picture attaches itself to my thinking.

Will Malachi still be alive when we are old? And if so, how will we take care of him? We are physically already starting to feel the weight of his care. The idea of an organization having to take on his care when I am unable to makes me nauseous. But so does the idea of having to bury him as a child. I am sure you can see the helplessness of the thinking cycle I get stuck in.

Will we ever get to enjoy grandchildren? We have been recently told that Levi’s brain damage is likely more extensive than we realize. While I choose to believe that God will make his brain whole, there is that realistic side of me that wants to walk down the “what if” paths.

Faith has to be different for Jake and I.

I remember bringing Malachi home and thinking that he was going to be 100% healed, and that no one would believe how healthy and typical he was based on his medical history. We were simply waiting for our miracle, but we just knew it was coming any day.

We still firmly believe that God is able. And we know God can. But we have had to deal with the sadness over the differing timelines we seem to have with God. There have been times that has made me bitter. There have been times that has devastated me.

But these disappointments have transformed my faith. And it has reminded me that we are simply passing through this world, headed towards a more beautiful one.

I read a quote this week and it has played on repeat in my mind. While I find ways to apply it to my motherhood journey I feel that many of you will be able to do the same in your own ways.

“One of the biggest sources of conflict between you and your kids is when they refuse to bow down to your idols.” -Dan Allender

I had to recognize that “normalcy” for my children had become an idol. I find myself getting so angry each time Malachi has a massive seizure, or Levi has to be turned up on his oxygen. It is a reminder of failure and unanswered prayers. The disappointment that hits each time that state of perfection isn’t reached drives a wedge in my relationship with God.

So back to thinking about the boy’s future…that image of “what it should be like” I now recognize as an idol. When we start to think we can whine to God about what our life should be like, we are playing a dangerous game with our faith.

I am also working on releasing my idol of control. And could use some prayers specifically that I find peace in trusting God with the future of my family.

Please also pray for both of the boys. They are both having some intense coughing fits but no other signs or symptoms for now. We have another wild week ahead and can’t afford to add sickness to the mix!

Much love,

Leah

Another whirlwind week down in the books for the Carroll crew! Levi’s pulmonology appointment went decently on Monday and the doctor is still pleased at the direction his airway is going. His Cincinnati and Chattanooga specialists are both eager to take a look at his vocal cords to see if there is any new movement, but I am not in a rush to let them take a look. Either way we have bought some time as we have to wait until after his March sleep study results to come back.

The hospital in Chattanooga recently opened an outpatient center and almost all of his specialists moved to the new building. It is so nice being able to be in an ER free setting for germ purposes, although they decided to put a general care office on the second floor of the building meaning we share elevators with sick kids. Ahhhh rats. But they have some pretty cool things for the kids to see while they wait.

Tuesday we loaded up and made the drive to Nashville in preparation for Malachi’s Wednesday appointments. It is only a 3-4 hour drive but when you run on zero sleep all the time it is a dangerous situation to be in the car that long. Jake was able to make the trip with me and having some help/company made the trip actually enjoyable. And Malachi is always so happy to go on these road trips and stay the night in a hotel. He giggled uncontrollably for 30 minutes when we all laid down in the hotel bed…and again when he woke up and realized he was still at the hotel on an adventure.

We always try to jazz up our traveling appointment trips with something fun for the boys. We had talked to Malachi about a trip to the Aquarium restaurant but the weather wasn’t so bad so we presented the option to go to the zoo. Malachi signed YES YES about the new option so we bundled up and headed that direction.

At the Nashville zoo they have a kangaroo enclosure with a walking path through it. The kangaroos come right up to you and you can touch them! Both of the boys really liked seeing the animals up close.

After our zoo trip we headed over to the hospital to meet with Malachi’s orthopedic surgeon. Out of all of his surgeons, this one is probably our favorite! He shares our vision for Malachi’s life to be all about comfort and quality. We simply want Malachi to be happy and pain free. While we feel that right now he is pain free, we have to assume that his body will take the same route that most kids with his severity of cerebral palsy take and make plans for his future.

Malachi is likely to develop some very severe scoliosis which will make it difficult for him to breathe. Many kids like Malachi end up needing to have rods put into their backs  or spinal fusion surgeries. We also know that both of his hips are out of socket and there is a 50% chance that a big hip surgery is going to be needed. We want to work with both the orthopedic surgeon and the spinal surgeon to make sure we do those surgeries in the correct order. So we don’t have to do either of them more than once.

Hopefully these surgeries are a long ways away, and we are still praying that God preserves Malachi’s body and keeps him pain free!

The post-op part of the appointment went well and he is very pleased with how Malachi’s feet look post op. We will meet with them again in June to start making plans for any future surgeries.

Thursday Jake headed back to school. Malachi also went for a few hours on Thursday and Friday- he really enjoys going and seeing his friends but classroom sickness/germs has been keeping him away. His teachers and I communicate every day and they let me know when they think it is “safe enough” to send him. I am so grateful they are willing to work with us!

When I dropped him off I couldn’t help but notice how much older he looks these days. He will be turning 6 years old in less than a month…crazy!

Malachi is doing so much better on his CBD oil. He is at the full recommended dosage and we are seeing some pretty big changes. Here is the breakdown:

• He is having less seizures, having two small ones a day instead of his regular eight a day but they are short and not very severe.
• He is wayyyyy more emotional than before, and the things that used to trigger seizures now trigger emotional breakdowns.
• His thinking speed is much better than before and he is able to respond much more quickly to our questions with his signs.
• He is now a chatterbox! This change has been bringing a smile to my face…I love hearing his voice.
• His tone is much floppier than before, which means his tight muscles are relaxing on the CBD. This is good for his comfort and spasticity but he struggles to keep his head up.
• His eyesight has improved a whole lot while on the CBD. We can tell by the way he is actively leaning forward to look at things, showing an interest in anything near him. This is a great change!
• His brain is relaxed enough to allow him to sleep more. He is now sleeping 6 hours a night instead of his normal 4-5 broken hours and he is taking a nap each afternoon.

His teachers have definitely noticed the change in him and were pleasantly surprised by how well he is doing! It seems we are finally through the adjustment period his body needed to process the change. We are going to start talking to the epileptologist about decreasing his other seizure meds and eventually trying to get him off of one of the anti-convulsants.

This week is a doozy with 9 appointments in four days. We are hoping for a problem free, bad news free type of week.

Jake and I are continually reminded of how blessed we are. It is undeniable how much God is holding us in the palm of His hand. Early on in our marriage time and time again God would meet our needs before we even knew we needed them. Or we would be conversing about how we needed a washer and a dryer and our phones would ring within the hour with someone asking us if we had a needed a washer and dryer set. We have learned to not believe in coincidences but instead to give credit to God for his providence in our lives.

This Christmas we were gifted some money from some very generous friends and family to go towards the boys care. We talked this week about things that would make Malachi’s life easier and the only thing we could come up with was another PPod chair. Everything in special needs land is insanely expensive and this particular special needs bean bag chair costs a little over $2,000. We applied for a grant earlier this year to get one and Malachi absolutely loves it. He sits very comfortably in it and can easily play independently with his toys.

The only problem is that now that I am working in the church office we need a supportive seat for him to sit in during my office hours. On Mondays I load up the PPod chair and on Fridays I take it back home so we can have it at home for the weekends. It is incredibly large and annoying to haul back and forth each week so Jake and I talked about the possibility of one day finding another one to leave in the office. Obviously paying retail is out of the question.

On Friday I just so happened to pull up Facebook marketplace, something I have never done before. And lo and behold there it was! Someone had JUST posted (an hour and a half before) this exact special needs bean bag seat for cheap and they were only an hour away.

After running through my germaphobe checklist it passed with flying colors (the mom selling is also a self-professed germaphobe) and I made the drive Saturday morning. The chair is the largest size they make so it is ridiculously massive and hot pink but it will work for keeping him comfortable while I am at work.

God is so good to us- it always amazes me when I see how He loves to work in the details of our lives as much as the big things.

I started a new series with the children at church on Sunday mornings and we are covering Moses and the Israelites. I spend hours in the Word each week preparing for the youth and children’s lessons, continually praying that God will use me as His mouthpiece for what they need to know. Each and every week God is not only preparing me for the lessons He wants me to teach, but also teaching me things through those scriptures as well!

Today we covered the story of Moses and the burning bush. As I prepared the lesson I couldn’t help but relate to Moses on so many levels. God was asking Moses to do something that he truly did not want to do. He didn’t feel qualified, prepared, or eager to do the things God was asking of him. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

Exodus 4: 13  But Moses said, “Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else.”

Oh what a relateable quotoe for me. God has called me to a role in motherhood that I was not qualified, not prepared, and not eager to do. Like Moses, I could list excuse after excuse as to why God should choose someone else to do the job.

But the reality is that God knew me better than I knew myself and CHOSE ME for this task as Malachi and Levi’s mother. While I didn’t have a burning bush experience like Moses, I was asked by God to do things that are out of my realm and comfort zone. With that request from God there was also an acknowledgement from Him that it would not be an easy calling. It would be full of obstacles, disappointments, and battles.

When Moses expressed his fear in his mission God gave him an arsenal of tools and signs that would help him through it. He even gave him Aaron, his brother, as his helper.

Reading that story was a needed reminder to me that God will never call us to something without giving us the tools needed to succeed. He will never request something of us that is too much for us to handle. Yes, the journey may be difficult, long, and non-textbook but every step is ordained and redeemed by God if we stay connected to Him through it.

He will give us the impossible, but then prove to us that that word doesn’t exist in His dictionary. I don’t know what mission God may have called you to. I don’t know if your reaction was like mine, or even like Moses’s. Maybe you are still burdened with those feelings of inadequacy.

Let me remind you that you have been called BY NAME for that very mission that you are facing, for that very task. There is a strength and endurance that God sees in you that you likely don’t yet see in yourself. Let me encourage you this week to trust that God is equipping you. And let me also encourage you to stay closely connected to God through that journey so that He can make your impossible His possible.

All He wants is a willing heart and ears that will listen to His still, soft voice.

And a total side note here….I am so blessed to tell you that one of my little ones at church asked Jesus into her heart today! To God be the glory for the great things He is doing!

God bless,

Leah