I am not quite sure when a house officially becomes a home, but it is safe to say that ours has officially made the transition. I think this quarantine has had a lot to do with that. This is hands down the happiest our little family has ever been- and we didn’t even realize what we were missing out on until now!

We decided to take a leap of faith and sell our log cabin back in 2016 with the goal of building Malachi a fully accessible home that could grow with him and his needs. By the time we moved into our house I was 7 months pregnant and Levi came just a few short weeks later. With his medical complications it was a long 5 months before I got to come back to the house and with the dozens of appointments between the two boys I don’t know that I ever fully got the chance to take a deep breath and enjoy being in such an accommodating environment.

It is like I have fresh eyes as I look around at all the details of the house that have made life so much easier…things like the diaper chute, the laundry chute, and the wheelchair access. This week has left me thankful for so many things. Last night I put both of the boys in the wheel-in shower, but recently they have been bickering about who gets the water stream when we do dual showers with them. Levi cries when the water isn’t directly on him, and Malachi tries to hit Levi when he is hogging the stream. Last night though I remembered we have a dual shower head and I was able to get both of them spraying enough to keep everyone happy. When we made the plans I didn’t know I would one day have two bickering boys in that shower fighting over the water.

The boys are absolutely loving the simplicity of our days. If it is warm enough to swim we head out to the therapy pool around sunset. We figured out this week if we wait to swim until right before bed both of the boys sleep better.

We also realized that Malachi enjoys swimming so much more at dusk when he can open his eyes all the way. He is legally blind but extremely sensitive to light, especially the sunshine. We plan on covering the pool eventually with a roof so he can swim comfortably but for now we will do sunset swims until the bears start to come out. They usually start showing up on the porch in mid April, but so far no sign of them at our house! Our friends down the road had a massive one show up this week so we are being extra cautious.

We are still doing nightly wagon rides, spending hours in Malachi’s tree house, and playing on the front porch digging in the rocks. We try to keep routines in feeding schedules and revolve most of our plans around medication times.

Jake and I do a lot of tag teaming throughout the day as we try to accomplish all of our work duties here from the house on limited internet. Jake has 3-5 zoom calls a week, I usually have 2-3 for the church, and the boys have at least 5 for therapies.

The boys have been cracking us up with their mischief. Levi is a imaginative little boy who can find a way to get to just about anything out of his reach. But they have such sweet and tender moments together that are so beautiful to watch. Levi has taken on several caretaker tasks for Malachi, like helping me medicate him and take off his shoes at the end of the day.

And boy, do they laugh together! Levi kisses Malachi on top of his head at least a dozen times a day. One day this week he had just polished off a bowl of Cheetos and when he kissed Malachi I said “Ewww now you got Cheetos in his hair!” They both started to squeal with laughter and Levi ran over to repeat the scene to make his brother giggle more.

This week Facebook memories reminded me of some really happy times in our life and some really hard times. Memories are one of the hardest parts about being a special needs mother.

This week when I close my eyes I have these flashing images of Levi’s lifeless 4 pound body as a doctor stood over him, manually breathing for him. He had coded just shortly after we arrived on the air ambulance to Cincinnati. Watching his chest rise and fall is an image that I will likely never be able to forget.

But this week it has also popped up some pretty amazing photos of baby Malachi during his NICU stay. When I see those photos they automatically bring up emotions. While there were some pretty traumatic times in the NICU for both boys, April was a great month for baby Malachi. He had an eye surgery and his second brain surgery in the same week 7 years ago but when I see these photos they bring back such a joyful feeling in my heart.

This week as I looked into the eyes of that sweet boy I remember that hopeful feeling that brewed inside of me in those early days. I just felt so strongly in my heart that Malachi would defy the odds. I just KNEW that he would fully overcome his complications and be a completely normal and healthy little boy. I firmly believed that God would heal him.

When I look back at those photos now with the knowledge that I have about special needs and things to look for I see “it”. I see the things those nurses likely saw in my warrior boy.

This week I am thankful that God leads us one step at a time. I couldn’t have handled the full picture seven years ago. I am so thankful I don’t have the weight of foreknowledge on my shoulders. Seven years ago that hope that he would be typical fueled me.

But as God has led us step by step on this journey he has built the “muscles” He knew I would need to handle the reality of our life. He has re-built my broken heart in a beautiful way. He has refocused my eyes on where the value of life is found. He has redefined contentment and introduced me to His peace.

I am sure that each of you have those reflective moments in your own lives where you look back and thank God for keeping things hidden, whether good or bad, until the time was right.

Every night we read the boys a Bible story from the “Jesus Bible”. If you haven’t heard of it, this book walks kids through each of the stories in the Bible and ends each one with a reference to Christ’s love for us and death on the cross.

Tonight we read about Daniel and the lion’s den, one of Malachi’s favorites. Daniel is one of the most authentic characters in the Bible and has made an impact on my faith. In fact, Levi’s middle name is Daniel in honor of Jake’s father but also because of the power behind that character in the Bible.

I think about Daniel and his decisions throughout his life to continue in obedience to Christ despite the consequences. What if Daniel had a glimpse of being tossed into the lion’s den…would that have impacted his faith? Would a glimpse at me staring into the eyes of a 7 year old in the middle of a seizure have impacted my belief that he would be fully healed?

Like Daniel, sometimes the next chapter in our story needs to stay safely tucked away so we can practice growing those muscles of our faith. Our journey with God is a process and powerful faith doesn’t often come the moment we are saved. It is in these dark moments in our own lion’s dens that we have the chance to see those muscles in action.

So today I want you all to join me in being thankful for the things God chooses to keep hidden until the time is right. May our faith continue to grow mightily so when our time in the den comes we won’t bat an eye.

Please continue to pray for safety over my family as the country begins to slowly open back up. We will still be keeping the boys in for several more weeks but Jake and I will each have to make contact with the outside world and need prayers of protection and wisdom.

Much love,

Leah

I somehow managed to take a ridiculous amount of photos this week without even realizing it! So I guess I will let the photos drive this week’s update! And not that it really matters, but just as random piece of information- we buy Levi adapted onesies for his g-tube and they only come in black. So although it looks like we never change him I assure you we do! Same with Malachi’s new big boy bibs- we purchased several in his favorite prints.

After I posted the blog late last Sunday night our area got hit with some pretty bad storms. We had tornadoes touch down 20 minutes south of us, 20 minutes west of us, and 20 minutes northwest of us. Thankfully it did not travel near our home. We braced for the impact of the storms down in our basement, trying to get the boys to fall asleep on a king sized mattress we dragged out onto the floor. They were both fueled by the change in routine and thought we were on a grand adventure. Malachi was the most amped up, not falling asleep until after 3:00!

Our most exciting report of the week is summed up best with this photo.

Today was our first day trying out the new therapy tub. We still have a lot of dirt work to do, but we just couldn’t wait any longer to go for a dip! It is a heated therapy pool so we set it at 101 degrees (it was 55 outside) and tried a 30 minute swim. I wish I could have filmed Malachi’s face to share with you all, but I did snap a few pictures.

I haven’t seen him that happy in a very long time. He never stopped smiling. Even when we talk about it now he starts giggling.

Jake and I both had been back and forth this week about whether or not we had made a wise decision in purchasing the pool. It was one of those grand ideas that, when it started to take shape, turned out more involved than we expected. While we did have some major help from a local grant we did pull a chunk of money from savings to help make it happen. And each day as I looked at the pool out the window I said to myself “what were we thinking?!”

But today I watched Malachi transform from a boy with a disability to a 7 year old who could swim independently. Aside from his pure joy (that has lasted all day) his body is already different than when he started out this morning. His tightness caused by his cerebral palsy is so much more relaxed and that was after just 30 minutes! If we can create a more physically comfortable life for Malachi than it is worth it, without a doubt.

Our goal is always to give Malachi the best life he can have in the time he spends with us on earth. This pool is a huge part of that and I can’t wait to see what fun memories we will make as we splash as a family.

Levi hasn’t been around water much, so he was very cautious and wanted to stay in his float. But he loved the water and was very upset when we got out. He has been asking to go back in the pool all evening.

We spent the majority of our week outside, passing the time with walks, bubbles, bike and wagon rides, and games.

Levi is growing by the minute. He is still a skinny little guy but he is getting so tall!

And he never stops eating. It is actually pretty fascinating. We are making HUGE progress with his food intake and we haven’t adjusted his feeding tube schedule at all. He is also drinking thin liquids without showing any signs of aspiration. It would be a dream come true for us to eliminate the need for his feeding tube and go to only feeds by mouth.

He even started brushing his teeth independently this week which is such a big step with his oral sensitivity.

We also let everyone help bake a batch of cookies. Such happy boys!

We also spent a lot of time reading Bible stories and using our imagination in the play room.

Overall it has been another refreshing week for our family. We went on a few drives into town to do a grocery curbside pickup and a curbside Target run but we are still hunkering down and trying our best to avoid germs and people.

My medical tests were scheduled for tomorrow morning but insurance has denied them. We are working on getting it all sorted out but we have yet another delay. I just keep believing that this all will be done in God’s timing. I have a few other unavoidable appointments that I have to go to this week but Jake will be able to stay home with the boys.

I was talking with a friend this week and we were talking about how strange it feels to not see friends throughout the day. And while it does seem foreign to many people right now, I keep flashing back to the various times in my life where my world has been suddenly interrupted. Days when I woke up in my own bed thinking it would be a day like any other but didn’t get to lay back in that same comfy bed for 4-5 months.

But this has been different. There have been no hospital stays, no surgeries, no talks with doctors, no stress. No life or death decisions have to be made. And the biggest change is that everyone else in my circle is experiencing the exact same thing as me! Each time life has whisked me away to a hospital with one of the boys life goes on for everyone else. When I usually return to normalcy I realize that everyone else’s lives haven’t skipped a beat and it always caused me to mourn a bit more. But this time is different. When we all emerge from this quarantine we will all have those fresh eyes as we look at the new world around us.

I think about all of the times in the Bible when a character had a “reset” from God.

Noah and his family emerging from the ark after 40 long days, staring at a world that didn’t look the same.

Jonah exiting the belly of a whale and realizing that the very thing he was trying to run from was still there.

But tonight I want to share the story of Zechariah with you!

The Bible tells us that Zechariah was a priest and his wife’s name was Elizabeth. It tells us in Luke 1:6 “Both of them were righteous in the sight of God, observing all the Lord’s commands and decrees blamelessly.” It sounds a whole lot like the start of the book of Job when I read that line.

The Bible also tells us that they were childless and both very old. One day when Zechariah was burning incense to God in the temple an angel appeared to him and said “Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son and you are to call him John.” He went on to say some amazing things about what John would do in his life in verses 14-17 if you want to read over those verses on your own.

But I want to move on to Zechariah’s response in verse 18: “How can I be sure of this? I am an old man and my wife is well along in years.”

The angel replied “I am Gabriel. I stand in the presence of God, and I have been sent to speak to you and to tell you this good news. And now you will be silent and not able to speak until the day this happens, because you did not believe my words, which will come true at their appointed time.”

Boom. His voice was gone. God had hit that “reset” button and Zechariah would not speak again until after his son John the Baptist was born. John wasn’t even conceived yet!! So it is safe to assume that Zechariah’s reset lasted at least 9 months.

The baby was born and several days later the neighbors and relatives asked what the boy would be named. On a tablet he wrote the words “His name is John.”

The Bible tells us in Luke 1:64 “Immediately his mouth was opened and his tongue set free, and he began to speak, praising God.”

Did you catch that…the first thing Zechariah did after his reset was praise God for all to hear. He didn’t focus on the frustration and discomfort from his time without a voice- he focused on the praiseworthy.

It goes on to tell us that he was filled with the Holy Spirit and began prophesying. The first line of that prophesying starts with: “Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, because he has come to his people and redeemed them.”

While our reset may look very different than Zechariah’s, how will we emerge from it? Will we be the same person, or will we allow ourselves to be changed, praising God about all of the things we are expectantly waiting for Him to do?

While resets can often be uncomfortable, they can also be so incredibly refreshing! It is an opportunity to refocus and emerge from it a different person.

Unless you are a Leah Carroll, this may be the only reset opportunity you will have so start to spend time NOW thinking what you want to look like when we come out of this strange time of rest. Start to think about the things you will say when God gives you your “voice” back. Will the first words off your tongue be proclamations of God’s goodness?

I know for me, this period of rest has highlighted a lot of things that need to be changed. The things in my life I assumed I wasn’t doing because I didn’t have the time, I am still not doing. It has caused me to re-evaluate my priorities and drive. It has also highlighted the simple things in my life that truly bring me joy and comfort, and those are things I had taken for granted.

But the biggest hidden blessing in this reset is the opportunity for me to dwell on the small things that God has done in my life. Those are the things that tend to get overlooked, or overshadowed by the big things.

I am in rambling mode. The moral of the story: how is this time of rest changing you? Is it changing you? Do you find yourself drawing closer to God or has the distance from church and routine taken you further from Him? What has this reset revealed to you about your walk with God? I want to challenge each of us to try to do a little self evaluation this week and find/create the many things you wish to praise God for when he returns your voice. What will we be able to shout from the rooftops?

Much love,

Leah

 

This week we successfully did tele-medicine sessions for the cardiologist, the neurologist, physical therapy, hippotherapy, and speech therapy for both boys. It is so much more efficient than loading up the kids and driving them to the children’s hospital! I don’t know if the new ways will continue once the virus threats have passed but I am really hoping so.

Quick Leah health update- the cardiologist said there is a possibility that I have an abnormal EKG (I have inverted t-waves for any of you medical nerds) but it isn’t a health crisis yet, which has put my mind at ease. We are still working to get an echocardiogram and a nuclear stress test scheduled to rule out any major issues.

The boys have been keeping us busy this week. We have done tube changes, hair cuts, and Levi has had at least a dozen showers from all the messes he gets into. But no worries, he loves them! He could spend hours in there.

We are still doing nightly walks and spending as much time outside as we can.

As you can see in the above picture, we are still working on getting the pool ready. We will have electric done by Tuesday and are hoping to do the back-filling and leveling this week. We filled it up today and are hoping to have the first swim in it next week. I will definitely try to get photos of the inaugural swim.

The boys have been bickering a lot lately which is pretty entertaining. Levi can get a bit rough with Malachi (sometimes intentionally and sometimes not) but this week Malachi has been fighting back, bopping Levi enough times to put a healthy fear into him. They are also both very opinionated about sharing with each other.

But don’t worry, they still love each other deeply! Their sweet moments outweigh their time-out worthy ones ten to one.

We did go on one adventure this week, and it was so refreshing (yet exhausting) to all four of us. Before the virus hit we had big plans for our annual youth group egg hunt all over town. Since we weren’t able to make that happen safely for the kids Jake and I decided to “egg” each youth members house. We drove all across our county hiding two golden eggs in the yard of each teen. Inside each egg was a stack of raffle tickets.

We messaged them before we came by so we wouldn’t get bit by a dog, shot by a dad, or interacted with. Then we texted them after letting them know they had been egged and to start hunting. They had about 24 hours to find the eggs and we did a raffle drawing at 8pm on Saturday and gave away several prizes and electronic gift cards.

The adventure took us over 5 hours to tackle but was absolutely worth it. The teens were texting us all afternoon for hints and thoroughly enjoyed the challenge of trying to find their eggs. We were in a menacing mood and hid them in really hard to find places. Not to mention the fact that we are out in the country and some of our youth have over 10 acres. Needless to say, we had to give lots and lots of hints. But they all really enjoyed the break from the quarantine norm.

Today is Easter Sunday and I have been emotional all day. I don’t think I even know why…

When I reflect on the things Christ endured for us it breaks my heart. I am so thankful that I didn’t witness his horrific death on the cross. But I am also so jealous that I didn’t get to witness his resurrection!

If you aren’t familiar with the Bible, there are several books in the New Testament that cover the same stories, but from different author’s perspectives. They are called the synoptic (same) gospels. It is always so fun for me to read through all four accounts of the same story and see the similarities and differences. If you want to give it a try, the resurrection of Jesus is a great one to tackle. You can read about it in Matthew 28, Mark 16, Luke 24, and John 20.

Today we sat down as a family and read the “Jesus Storybook Bible” with the boys. We started with Christ’s death on the cross and read all the way through his ascension into heaven. Levi ran around eating crackers and throwing legos but Malachi clung to every word. He especially liked it when we got to the part that talked about the angels. There is not a doubt in my mind that he knows exactly what that encounter was like as he too has spent time in the presence of angels.

Seeing Malachi’s excitement as we read the story took my mind to the moment he will get to meet Jesus. I think about the smile on Malachi’s face as he runs towards Jesus. And I think about those open arms and grin on the face of Christ as He embraces my sweet boy. What a beautiful moment that will be.

In Utah there is a very special tombstone for a little boy named Matthew. Matthew was very similar to Malachi and passed away at 11 years old. His father wanted his grave to be a place of happiness rather than sadness and designed this tombstone.

When I look at this picture I get emotional.

My prayer is that both of my boys learn to not fear death. I pray that they always look up, expectantly waiting for the day they get to see Christ face to face. And I pray that God gives me the knowledge and grace to teach them about Him.

So this Easter Sunday I am overwhelmingly grateful for that empty tomb. That empty tomb reminds me that nothing is impossible with God. That empty tomb reminds me that this world is temporary. And the empty tomb re-ignites my excitement for the pain free life that Malachi (and we all) have to look forward to.

I want to end this entry with the words from the song “Because He Lives”. Easter 2013 was an extra difficult one for me as we were still living in the Ronald McDonald House in Chattanooga. Malachi was 9 weeks old and had made it through some very difficult days. Jake and I wanted to worship with our church family on Easter Sunday but I didn’t want to leave Malachi’s side. I remember how hard it was to make the 1 hour drive to our small town for the service.

As the worship started I was doing my best to keep my heart focused on God and not on the fact that Malachi was in the unit without his mommy. When we started to sing this song I couldn’t hold back the tears! The song has some beautiful reminders for all of us.

God sent His son, they called Him Jesus
He came to love, heal, and forgive.
He lived and died to buy my pardon,
An empty grave is there to prove my Savior lives.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, All fear is gone.
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living just because He lives.

How sweet to hold a newborn baby,
And feel the pride and joy he gives.
But greater still the calm assurance,
This child can face uncertain days because He lives.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, All fear is gone.
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living just because He lives.

And then one day I’ll cross the river,
I’ll fight life’s final war with pain.
And then as death gives way to victory,
I’ll see the lights of glory and I’ll know He lives.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, All fear is gone!
Because I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living just because He lives!

Much love,

Leah

 

I am so happy to tell you that we officially have a therapy pool for Malachi! It was quite the process but it was fun watching God align all of the plans for us to make it possible. A local grant was able to contribute a significant portion of the cost and some very dear friends have donated the labor to prep the yard for us. We will have the electric installed this week and then we will be ready to fill that sucker up!

It will take a little work to figure out the best way to make it accessible, but we have lots of ideas brewing. We also have some backfilling to do this week!

On Monday morning the concrete truck came and Malachi was overflowing with excitement when he heard that big truck.

He is so incredibly aware and very excited about the pool. He also loved the day the crane came to deliver it.

Levi loves to see Malachi happy. When Malachi starts laughing, Levi wants to be near him and simply watches him with a smile on his face, clearly sharing the joy with his brother. Levi showers Malachi with kisses all day long on the top of his head in such an endearing way. He sure does love his brother.

We are also seeing all the many ways in which Levi takes the extra steps to include Malachi. He brings toys over to him and plays with them next to Malachi to make him smile. Like the fart machine…

He also is so aware of the things that make Malachi happy. Like when the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse song comes on, Levi stops everything he is doing and races over to Malachi to help him do the infamous hot dog dance at the end of every episode. He knows that makes his big brother smile.

Here is a sweet video of Levi saying “please”. He has been talking so much lately and his words are getting more clear.

We have officially settled into the routine of self-isolation. Jake has to continue creating virtual lessons for his students but he thinks he has found a way to do it from home on our very painfully slow internet. And other than a quick trip to the church office to check messages and upload sermons onto the church web page, I have not left the house this week.  As I left the house and saw this view again I was reminded of how blessed our family truly is.

We are trying to create routines for the boys so there is some level of order in the chaos each day can bring.

Jake has been sleeping in the master bedroom with Levi and Malachi and I sleep in one of the other bedrooms. Their schedules are not in sync right now so separating seems to be the most logical option. Levi goes to sleep around 9:30p and stays asleep until 7a. Malachi has been staying up until at least midnight each night, sometimes 2a and sleeps until 6:33 on the dot. Thankfully I usually take the afternoon nap with Levi to make up for the lack of sleep.

Each night around 6:30 we go play in the driveway and the boys go on a wagon ride with Jake. We were able to rig it up for one of Malachi’s adaptive seats and they love going on “lion hunts” each evening.

The sun hides behind the house enough to shade the area for Malachi and I take his switch adapted toys out there for him to play with.

Levi has discovered the joy of playing in the rocks and loves to ride his bike.

He is also really loving bubbles!

Levi keeps us on our toes in so many ways. This week he has been obsessed with the fridge and freezer, specifically the ice cream. I know when it gets quiet to go looking for him in the kitchen. At least 6 times a day we find him with his head in a carton of ice cream.

We have also started tele-medicine sessions with each of the boys therapists. It’s a little different and unique trying to do therapy through a screen but simply letting the boys see some friendly faces makes their day.

Speaking of tele-med sessions, tomorrow morning I will be speaking with the cardiologist over the computer and working to get a nuclear stress test ordered. My breathing was great the first half of the week but started acting up again on Thursday evening through Saturday. I am eager to find out what is going on, but also want to avoid all medical environments right now.

We officially have three cases in our small county, and 21 cases in the county we do all of our errands and shopping in. The county we take the boys to for their medical trips has 74 cases and 4 deaths from the virus. We are continuing to pray Psalm 91 over our family and friends and are trying really hard to practice faith over fear.

I always try very hard to be honest on these posts, so tonight I am going to share some things that have been swirling in my heart this week. They definitely won’t put me in the faith hall of fame, but in my moments of weakness maybe you can draw more strength for your battles.

I know I have talked about this before with you all, but I remember being a young teenager and reading the book of Job. I was floored that Job lived such a righteous life that God noticed him and actually bragged on him to the devil. I remember reading the intro to that story and praying that I could catch God’s eye in the same way. I prayed that I would develop righteousness and be a topic of conversation between Him and the devil.

But as we see in the story of Job, righteousness does not always equal an easy and problem free life. In fact, it was the righteousness of Job that the devil detested and the reason he brought horrific attacks on Job’s family.

I don’t know that I fully understood the weight of those prayers and sincere ambitions all those years ago.

I have watched God write a Job story for my life over the last 15 years. As we raced to the operating room to bring a tiny, lifeless Malachi into the world at 24 weeks I remember praying the words of Job “The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord.” I was so scared that my Job story would also include losing my children and was trying to brace myself to continue to try and pursue that righteousness that makes the devil cringe.

If you continue to read through the story of Job you will see that he passed the first several waves of trials that came his way. And he never cursed God, even though the devil’s attacks were brutal.

God continued to brag on Job’s righteousness and the devil turned up his attacks a notch. God said to the devil, “Very well, then, he is in your hands; but you must spare his life.” While this sounds like God was flippantly careless with his righteous servant, instead it shows how much confidence he had in Job’s faith.

Although I have very clearly seen God’s hand of protection over me through each and every trial, life has been challenging. I have always found so much comfort in reading this part of Job’s story and reminding myself that God determines the day I leave this earth, not the devil. The devil may attack me, he may wound me, but he cannot take my life. He doesn’t hold that power.

When God gave me these two special boys I felt so deep in my heart that He wouldn’t call me to this big task and not protect me in it. I always had this confidence that, like Job, God would keep the devil from taking my life.

But with these recent health issues and a less than perfect EKG, likely caused by the stress of this hard life, it has started to make me second guess that confidence I have always carried. I started to wonder, what if I am not really a Job? What if I am one of Job’s kids- someone that dies to help create someone else’s Job story?

What if Jake is the Job in this story and part of his trials will be losing his wife and raising two special needs kids alone? Has God put parameters on the devils attacks in my life and health?

These thoughts put me in a dark place this week. As that confidence in God’s preservation of my role and life started to waver I started to allow fear to creep in.

I felt it creeping in, and for the first time ever I wondered if it was warranted fear. My faith has not been shaken, my belief that God holds me in His hand has not changed, and I fully believe that God has numbered my days and I won’t make my exit until the day He has determined. But I started to wonder if that day was going to be sooner than I imagined it would be. Who would take care of Malachi? Who would meet the medical needs of Levi and advocate for him?

In Philippians we read,”the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” So this week I have been praying for the peace of God to enter me and trump my thoughts (both irrational and rational).

None of us can predict the mysterious ways of God. And many of us will drive ourselves crazy trying to do that very thing…to use context clues and gut-feelings to try to see into our own futures. But part of faith is allowing your heart to experience the peace of God and allowing it to do it’s job at guarding our heart and minds.

Job says something really powerful to his wife in chapter 2 that keeps playing in my head:

“Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?”

The good things in life can strengthen our faith in a mighty way. But the trouble in life has exponential power to strengthen our faith in ways we can’t fathom.

It’s when we are truly able to accept both the good and the bad from God that we start to develop that righteousness God likes to brag on.

Clearly I am not there yet, as I am having a hard time accepting the trouble right now. But that’s what prayer and the peace of God is for.

Please keep our family in your prayers this week as we continue to try to stay out of the path of this virus.

God bless,

Leah