Jake is officially off for the summer, and I don’t know that you will find a happier wife in the whole state of Tennessee. Having an extra set of hands to help with the boy’s needs is such a gift. It also allows me the freedom to take each boy individually to their appointments and focus. Our summer is packed full with medical appointments but sharing that burden with Jake makes it manageable.

So what is on the summer horizon for the Carrolls?

We have a surgery for Levi in Cincinnati in about 4 weeks. Right now the plan is for he and I to go solo like last year. Traveling with both boys is getting increasingly more difficult the larger each of them get and Covid precautions are still hindering visitation policies when one of the boys has to be in the hospital.

Our annual church youth camp is coming in early July, which is always a fun adventure. This year we have 48 teens signed up to go, praise the Lord!

Malachi’s big Vanderbilt trip to meet with the orthopedic and spine surgeons will happen at the end of July. This has been stretched out to a multi-day trip to meet with all of the specialists.

We have some family adventures tucked into the gaps, and all of our regular appointments and therapies sprinkled in the mix.

We got a head start on the adventures this week as we drove to Georgia to meet up one of my siblings and his family for the weekend. The boys loved the cousin time and got to meet their newest cousin for the first time. We try to be extra cautious about posting photos of others on the blog (for privacy purposes) but these were too sweet to not share.

As I have mentioned, Malachi is tuned in to EVERYTHING happening around him and so making sure to include him in as much as possible is still one of our top priorities. But to be transparent, it is shockingly exhausting and physically taxing to try to successfully be the body of an 8 year old. I catch myself thinking about the days in the future that I won’t be able to physically help him feel included and I wonder how that is going to change our outing decisions as a family.

But for this trip Malachi zoomed down the slides, chased cousins like monsters, crouched in corners playing hide and seek, and went as high as safely possible on the swing set.

We had enough room in the house to divide into two bedrooms, making nighttime more manageable. Being out of our routine and environment is so, so difficult!

But sometimes Pros and Cons Lists shouldn’t always drive decisions.

There may be some times in life when the cons of something will far outweigh the pros. And even though logically it doesn’t make sense to go for it, sometimes you simply have to commit to the illogical route.

Yes, there are consequences and discomfort, but fear of those should never be the reason that we don’t take time to intentionally love others.

If I am being completely transparent I will also note that I don’t have much energy or stamina for these “cons” heavy trips and excursions. Malachi did not sleep well, and we had at least 6 close calls in two nights with pillows that were too fluffy. I ended up swapping them for rolled up bath towels so he wouldn’t be able to suffocate himself. Waking up to him gasping for air is forever one of the most terrifying things.

We will spend the next week recovering from our two nights away, but I am grateful for the memories and the opportunity to see my brother!

Here are some photos from horse therapy this week. Levi got to practice painting the horse and giving him a bath after.

On Wednesday I finished a study with the youth about Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount found in Matthew 5-7. If you haven’t taken time to read that in awhile I want to encourage you to start to read it again this week, even if it is just a few verses each night. There is so much power in the words knowing that they came from the mouth of Christ and the heart of God.

Matthew 7:13-14 “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow is the road that leads to life, and only few find it.”

This verse has challenged my heart this week about the intentional nature of my walk with God. We are all given the opportunity to choose the road we will walk on in our faith. We will never “accidentally” find ourselves on a narrow road that requires a Guide for us to shadow step by step.

Sometimes I catch myself going on auto-pilot in my relationship with God. Instead of focusing on keeping my steps in line with His I find that I am aimlessly following the muscle memory of my shuffling feet on that narrow road.

One of the devil’s tactics is pushing our faith to become a chore rather than an intentional journey, which is not God honoring. Before we even realize it we migrate over to the wide road and confuse our movement for steps in our faith walk.

This week I have been evaluating and praying about what my reset needs to look like. The word “intentional” keeps being placed on my heart so I know that is something that God desires to bring to my attention.

Is your walk with God an intentional one? Are you content on the narrow road that faith in God requires?

So many thoughts swirling in this brain of mine, but I need to develop them a bit more before I share them with you! Thank you for taking time to check in on our family. We continue to ask for your prayers- there are specific needs of course but a good summary prayer need is wisdom and strength for each new day.

Love,

Leah

This week was a beautiful one and we spent the majority of our time outside soaking up the fresh air and doing some spring cleaning.

Malachi has had an exceptional week and his seizures have been very controlled. We are continuing to tweak his medication to find that perfect balance. He is still not sleeping well, but as long as those nasty seizures are at bay we are happy. He has been filled with giggles this week.

Jake teaches math at the local high school and does a project each year called the “Redneck Regatta”. The students build boats out of cardboard using the buoyancy formula and have to successfully float it 300 yards to get a passing grade. Each year I like to take the kids to the river to watch the final products attempt to float. Covid prevented us from doing it last year, so this was the first year Levi was mobile. Thankfully he had a healthy fear of the river and stayed right by my side! Chasing him down while holding Malachi is getting complicated.

Malachi looks forward to this day each year. He loves to hear the students squeal when their boats start to sink. Look at all those summertime freckles making their appearance!

The boys are still doing hippotherapy sessions each week (physical therapy on horseback) and we get to meet new special friends there often. I love watching Levi interact with other children with disabilities. His sweet little mind doesn’t see differences and it is something I treasure.

I snapped this picture as one of the other students was getting on a horse for the first time ever. Levi was ecstatic for him, cheering him on from the sideline. He truly has a special heart.

I have been taking both dogs to the barn with us each week to try to continue with their training out in public. They are doing amazing and mind their manners for the hour that we are there.

Confessions of a Special Needs Mom: Burnout is a very real thing.

If you have been a long-time blog reader I am sure you have been able to pick up on the fact that I am a professional overthinker. I can rabbit trail just about any small tidbit or topic and take it a million directions in the deep recesses of my mind. Caring for Malachi often means I have to be awake 20 hours a day and I am often on the verge of exhaustion. I lean heavily on overthinking in these moments to give my mind something to munch on to help me stay awake.

A few weeks ago I noticed the starter pieces of a nest on one of the columns on the front porch. Over the next few days the nest continued to grow larger and stronger and pretty soon it was full of eggs with a very anxious momma bird sitting on top of them. Her instincts kicked in and day after day she sat on that nest.

Those eggs hatched and I smiled when I first saw those bare necked babies popping up inside of it. I had a momentarily lapse of excitement as I flashed back to previous years and some of the babies falling out of a similar nest and passing away. But each week these newest additions grew stronger and fluffier, and more importantly they stayed in that nest. Watching them became a hobby. I would crack the window open so I could hear them chirping with excitement when momma came with a fresh worm.

And then one day I woke up and they were gone. They had finally grown strong enough to leave the nest and start their new lives on their own. And as they each moved on to the next phase of life, so did that momma bird.

Every day I walk past that nest and every day my overthinking kicks into high gear. And for the first time ever in my life….I was jealous of that momma bird.

It sounds so foolish to say that.

Each day I pass that empty nest and I think of how it represented a snapshot in that momma bird’s life. It has become a memory for her…all the worm hunting, the nest sitting, anxiously watching for predators.

The empty nest represents a milestone that has been achieved by not only the baby birds but also their momma.

What a challenging an exhausting period of life new mother’s go through, whether animal or human. But, oh how exhausting is the life of limited milestones.

But I also fully understand that an empty nest represents a horrifying alternative in our life with Malachi. I find myself feeling guilty for even desiring the moments of encouragement I see other mothers enjoying as they walk the path of typical motherhood.

I guess you could say I am having a Psalm 73:26 “flesh and heart fail” moment.

”My flesh and heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

My flesh and my heart fail often. They wage attack against the plans God has for me, especially when they don’t match my dreams and selfish desires.

But we were never meant to be sustained by milestones. Or fulfilled dreams. Or reached goals. Those things aren’t bad, but when they will only sustain us for a short time.

God is our portion- He alone is the source of our happiness and our blessings. He alone is enough.

We are created to be sustained by God and God alone.

When I find that I am reaching burnout phase I have to come to realize that it is because I have looked for markers of success rather than looking to Christ to fuel me.

Can any of you relate to this? Why are we continually surprised to see our heart and flesh fail over and over and over again?

This week I am praying for a strengthening from the Lord to help me find the beauty of the nest God has placed me in charge of. I pray that He continues to protect my babies and continues to embrace me when I need that renewing that can only come from Him.

Please be in prayer for Malachi’s sleep habits. His little body needs rest but his brain says no.

Much love,

Leah

When Malachi was younger our days were filled with a ridiculous amount of appointments. We usually had to be at the hospital by 8am and went strong until dinner time. Our record is 27 appointments in one week! The amount of planning and preparation that each day required was indescribable.

Adding Levi into the mix amplified and multiplied those days of chaos but then COVID entered the picture. We finally got the breather that we needed from all the go-go-go and thoroughly enjoyed our time at the house. Our virtual appointments are slowly transitioning back into in-person ones and I am realizing that I am mentally out of shape as far as appointment days are concerned.

This week we tackled some biggies, the most noteworthy being a trip to the dentist. This was Levi’s first time there as a patient and the anxiety has been running strong for three weeks. He has been waking up in a cold sweat yelling “no dentist” and crying inconsolably. He mentioned the dentist and cried over it no less than 6 times each day. We have watched every Sesame Street, Daniel Tiger, Dora, etc show about visits to the dentist and spent time watching YouTube videos of other children at their first appointments but nothing could squash the anxiety. When the day finally came and he realized where we were going the meltdown began.

In his world he has had to do a lot of hard things. He is one smart boy and understands that any place with a waiting room and people in scrubs will likely result in his discomfort. It breaks my heart that he has had to experience so much physical pain in his life. I bargained with him in the car and told him if he could go the entire appointment without crying I would go through a drive through and get him anything he wanted. He perked up at this prospect and thought for a few seconds until making his decision: “a kids ice water”. There is something about cups that are kid sized that bring him so much joy. I’d say I got the better end of the deal on that one!

The staff there did such an excellent job easing into the appointment and we were able to make some baby steps towards an actual cleaning. Malachi was next on the table and wanted to impress his brother, allowing them to do a 15 minute cleaning! This is huge for him and his gag reflex.

We went from that appointment over to the vet’s office to get the pups checked out. The lady walked in and looked from the wheelchair to Levi then to the puppies and said “You’re CRAZY!”

And she isn’t lying. I recognize the chaos and most of the time I can’t help but laugh. Side note- they were mesmerized at how well the dogs were behaving. Getting these pups has truly been a God orchestrated gift.

Whenever we ask the dogs to sit and stay Levi does it too. We don’t tell him to but we also don’t discourage it…

Little Levi is such a blessing, but oh how quickly he can deplete my energy. His mind works at an insanely fast rate and keeping up with him is continuing to challenge me in so many ways.

I took a video of him this week on the playground as I wanted to capture his work of breathing to show the surgeons in Cincinnati next month. You can definitely hear his stridor when he is focusing on a physical task. The day after this video he started signs of a cold or severe allergies and struggled throughout the nights with his ease of breathing and his ability to handle his feeds. When he has any postnasal drip it tends to gag him and make him vomit.

Malachi also started the same congestion, progressively growing worse as the week went by. We went into medical mode, checking oxygen saturations and keeping both boys medicated and hydrated. Malachi cannot handle any postnasal drip at all and it sets off his seizures. Friday morning he had at least 20 seizures before lunchtime and Saturday he had dozens more. These days are so hard on his body and his emotions. I can feel my heart breaking each time he starts another one, and I have to mentally detach myself as mom and go into nurse mode to try to fix it. But even then, seizures never get any easier to witness.

We try to lift his spirits by making up games like “sock ball”. He is extremely competitive, just like his mom and dad, and loves trying to beat Levi at things. We also watched a lot of movies. I know I have mentioned this before, but because of his vision loss we narrate a new movie to him one time through. While we were watching The Fox and the Hound this week he was very much engaged in the narration so I would narrate a scene, then rewind it so he could hear it again. I filmed a chunk because it shows you so much of Malachi’s sweet 8 year old personality.

Confessions of a Special Needs Mom: Watching continual, daily suffering has challenged my faith more than experiencing it myself.

I am a fixer. I like to look at a problem and find the ways I can change it for the better.

But I haven’t been able to fix my children. I haven’t been able to come up with a solution for me to take the burden of suffering from their shoulders and onto mine. And for some reason, as foolish as it may sound, I feel a bit like a failure as a mom because of my inability to “fix” things for them.

I read something this week that spoke to my heart and I felt the need to share it with you all.

“I would have pulled Joseph out. Out of that pit. Out of that prison. Out of that pain. And I would have cheated nations out of the one God would use to deliver them from famine.

I would have pulled David out. Out of Saul’s spear-throwing presence. Out of the caves he hid in. Out of the pain of rejection. And I would have cheated Israel out of a God-hearted king.

I would have pulled Esther out. Out of being snatched from her only family. Out of being placed in a position she never asked for. Out of the path of a vicious, power-hungry foe. And I would have cheated a people out of the woman God would use to save their very lives.

And I would have pulled Jesus off. Off of the cross. Off of the road that led to suffering and pain. Off of the path that would mean nakedness and beatings, nails and thorns. And I would have cheated the entire world out of a Savior. Out of salvation. Out of an eternity filled with no more suffering and no more pain.

And oh friend. I want to pull you out. I want to change your path. I want to stop your pain. But right now I know I would be wrong…. I would be cheating you and cheating the world out of so much good. Because God knows the good this pain will produce. He knows the beauty that this will grow. He’s watching over you and keeping you even in the midst of this. And He’s promising that you can trust Him. Even when it feels like more than you can bear.”

ATTRIBUTED TO KIMBERLY HENDERSON OF PROV. 31 MINISTRIES ON VARIOUS WEBSITES.

Our minds have equated suffering with punishment and consequence. It becomes something that we believe we bring upon ourselves. So when we see it happening to precious, innocent children it just seems to go against the vision of the loving God we create in our minds.

But I don’t believe that is how God intended suffering to be. In the Bible suffering is a catalyst for growth, not death.

The moments where we see suffering God sees the next step in His greater plan.

The Bible tells us in Romans 8:18 “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.”

I have to believe that the pain my boys have experienced is producing so much good in the kingdom of God.

If we spend less time focusing on the suffering and more time focusing on the crops that we will grow from it, I believe that even watching suffering has the potential to transform our faith and trust in God.

It doesn’t mean we have to like the suffering. But it is an encouragement to embrace the hard things, knowing that they are preparing us (and the ones we love) for future glory.

My eyes keep shutting for several seconds each time I blink and I am afraid I am accidentally going to type something crazy. I am going to take that as my sign to head towards bed!

Thank you for checking in on our family. It is through this very blog that I can sense a purpose in their pain. Thank you for taking the time to walk a mile with my family each week.

Love,

Leah

We are in a hazy phase of life where I am not ever sure what day it is or what time it is. It is a combination of raising medically complex children but also raising one very active and robust toddler. I thank God often for the “typical” even though in the moment the chaos isn’t always sparking thankful thoughts in me.

Levi is a toddler tornado and loves to capitalize on moments when my focus is elsewhere. He waits until I have to make a phone call to jump in his Power Wheels and head for the tree line. This week he has been grounded from his car, which is a sentence I didn’t think I would ever have to say about my three year old.

The dogs have become his newest focus in life, and bossing them around brings him such delight. I laugh and laugh at the photos I take of them, seeing the “rescue me mom” look in their eyes.

And while Levi produces some big sighs from me throughout the day he also elicits some heart warming moments that I will never forget. Today I sat him up from a diaper change and he unprompted said “Happy Mother’s Day”. It was the sweetest little voice, so I of course made him do it again for the camera so I could hear it again 20 years from now.

As I heard those words roll of his lips I had to keep myself from crying, knowing that when we made the decision for his big vocal cord surgery we were exchanging his voice for his trach free breathing. We grieved over neither of our children being able to speak audible, coherent words and God surprised us all with the most beautiful voice I could imagine. What a true gift those sounds are to a weary momma heart.

We pray for miracles, and that little voice reminds me of the goodness of God.

Malachi has also had a great week, getting to spend a lot of time with his buddies. He even got to drive the neighbors tractor for a bit!

On Thursday night his big seizures sparked again, affirming to us that the new med is building up in his system and proving to be too big a dose. We will continue to tweak and adjust until we find the perfect balance. When he goes into those sessions of large seizures he isn’t able to get more than 3-4 hours of sleep, and lack of sleep is a huge trigger for even more seizures. We get caught in a vicious cycle that takes days to recover from.

One of the pups got a little too excited this week and jumped up to kiss Malachi’s face, nicking his face in the process. Malachi didn’t make a peep about it, excited to get kisses from his buddies.

We have been working with the dogs on going out in public and maintaining their training. We take them one at a time, and Malachi is so much happier with the company it provides him. It is so sweet to watch him put his hand out to reach for them.

This week I had the privilege of speaking at a women’s event at a church in Chattanooga. The theme was “Precious In his Sight” and I was so touched when I showed up and all of the decor was themed around Malachi and Levi. They had printed out over a hundred photos of the boys and used them as the centerpieces, bulletin board, and decor around the church. Everywhere I looked I saw their sweet faces and it was such a blessing to me.

It was so rejuvenating to me to be able to spend time in prayer about what specifically God wanted me to share with this group of women. I crave those moments with God where I can ask Him to guide me and He very clearly does so. It reminds me of the importance of my relationship with God being an intimate one that requires constant communication and connection.

God very specifically led me to talking with this group about how we allow our brokenness to cause us question our usefulness in the kingdom of God.

Psalm 127:3-5 “Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate.”

A few years ago I really struggled with this verse; many of you may remember me blogging specifically about this very thing. My arrows look so different than the ones I pictured in my mind. Each surgery, hospitalization, diagnosis has changed them from the “perfect” arrows that this verse conjures up and replaced them with arrows filled with imperfections.

You might also be an imperfect arrow. You may have something in your past, a regret, a broken relationship, a diagnosis that has convinced you that you are too unreliable imperfect to pierce this world for God. But it is those very imperfections that strip us of our pride and allow us to be beautiful, humble instruments for the Lord.

God isn’t looking for the perfect. He is looking for the obedient and the willing.

We foolishly believe that it takes arrows to complete the work of God. But in reality the Bible shows us time and time again that He takes great delight in using the most inconspicuous tools for His greatest victories.

David used a rock to slay a giant.

Joshua’s army used ram’s horns and shouting to take down a kingdom.

Gideon and his 300 men used torches and clay pots to terrify and overcome an army.

How foolish we are to believe that God requires perfect arrows to complete His greatest tasks. And how embarrassing it is that we often use the excuses of being unqualified to not pursue the paths He is calling us to.

I am so honored that God has chosen us to carry such beautifully unique arrows in our quiver. And the piercing that they have already done is such a testament to the power of God.

May we always remain malleable in the hands of the hands of the Potter so that we can become any instrument He calls us to be. And may we desire the same of our children, even when it means they don’t fit the vision we have for their lives.

Much love,

Leah

It is Chick-Fil-A story week! This is the week each year that Malachi’s post from 2017 starts to make its rounds on social media again and we get a stream of visitors to the blog. And each year it reminds me of the gift that Malachi is to our world, even though he cannot say a coherent word.

If you have no idea what I am referring to, here is a link to the video:

And yes, I still cry every time I watch it and hear those sweet encounters. We try to meet up with this family at least once a year and Malachi looks forward to seeing his friends each and every time.

Our encounters with people in public are still very diverse with a lot of children asking questions. Levi has become a buffer in these moments, becoming his brothers voice and making sure people acknowledge Malachi. For example, if someone asks Levi how old he is he will respond “Me three, Malachi eight.”

The biggest change is Malachi’s reaction to those conversations with strangers. Back in 2017 he was just four years old and craved any and interaction. But now that he is a wise and mature 8 year old he has a lot of big boy emotions. He hears and understands the words people speak as well as the undertones used (he especially picks up on disgust or disdain) and he frequently gets his feelings hurt. He has also started rolling his eyes when people talk to him like he is a baby which makes me giggle since mom gets a lot of those eye rolls too.

He is very aware when he isn’t being included in something fun and it has been causing some crocodile tears lately. We find ourselves having to be very selective about the environments we take him into, making sure we aren’t creating those opportunities for exclusion. If we are going to be in a place where he can’t do the same things as his peers we spend the few days leading up to the event preparing him for what he might hear and why he might not get to do things.

This has been one of the hardest things to navigate as Malachi’s mom. I just wish that all of you could get to know Malachi and understand how smart and sensitive he is…he really would change your perspective of children with disabilities if you could take the time to get to know a warrior child like him.

That is a huge reason why I continue the blog each week. While you may not ever get to meet Malachi I want to let you get a glimpse of his world and our prayer is that the nuggets of awareness you can gather from here will help change the future interactions you may have with another child with disabilities.

That being said, let’s talk about this week in the Carroll house. Malachi’s seizures have been so calm this week, back down to his regular 6ish a day. They have all been mild to medium and easy to manage.

The theme of the week has been our new puppies. I am running the risk of becoming “that dog lady” who posts more photos of the dogs than her own children. But I also want to give you a snapshot of how the addition of the two have enriched the lives of the boys so much already.

Malachi’s lap has become the best seat in the house for the puppies when they want to rest. The climb right up on his lap and snuggle, and Malachi has been moving his hands to pet them. Seeing the smile on his face has been so special. We will be taking each individual dog out on various adventures, trying to maintain their training in distraction filled environments and this week we successfully did a trip to the horse barn for therapies and a few soccer games.

Levi has enjoyed bossing the dogs around and turning them into the perfect playmates for him. The dogs have been trained to be submissive so they do whatever he tells them to do. The empowerment this has given Levi is comical and dangerous at the same time.

Here is a sweet video for you:

The two pups are brothers but definitely have distinct differences. Tuck has a more slender build with a longer face and shorter ears. His collar is teal. Shiloh is built to be big like his daddy, and has very big ears and lots of saggy wrinkles on his forehead. He has a pink collar now but will have a burgundy one by the end of the week.

We definitely have no regrets adding this chaos into our lives. It keeps Levi entertained and occupied and Malachi is so engaged listening to them run around the house and loves their frequent visits to cuddle or kiss his face. And the added bonus is that both of our neighbors have had bear visits this week but we have not! I think the dogs are keeping the bears from wandering to the front porch, which is the favorite bear hangout in the neighborhood.

I am always challenged each year on this specific week to write something God inspired since we get so many new readers through the Facebook post. It is a task I do not take lightly, as I recognize the opportunity to introduce you to my God.

Confession of a Special Needs Mom: For every moment that makes me smile each day, there is a moment that takes me to a dark place.

This life is such a unique blend of pure joy and heartache. And it swings from one end of the pendulum shockingly fast.

I have been trying to organize closets this week and opened Malachi’s clothes from when he was Levi’s current size. Inside that box was a stack of onesies that can fit a 4 year old. I remember packing that box and saying to myself “I won’t ever need these again!”

But as I opened the box and spotted the stack I had this sinking realization in the pit of my stomach that they would fit Levi perfectly as he is about to outgrow his other special onesies (they keep him from messing with his g-tube). Each time I have laid hands on these onesies in the last week I catch my heart leaning toward mourning. Every time I spot Levi running around in one I can’t help but desire a different life for my sons.

Why weren’t they able to have a chance at typical? Why weren’t we able to have a child that didn’t struggle with cerebral palsy, g-tubes, brain damage, surgeries?

I don’t know that I will ever get to a point where I don’t have these questions swirling in my mind. I don’t think that a wound can ever heal when it is continually ripped back open each day.

And it is incredibly easy to get stuck in this mindset and head down that dark road of bitterness. Those paths to bitterness likely exist in your life too, but with different triggers. It could be an unanswered prayer, a regret, a broken relationship, an unfulfilled dream. When you dwell on those things it is very hard to change your focus to anything else.

But that is where my God comes in. I can get pretty far down my bitterness path without even realizing it, and my arrogance and self-sufficient mindset can keep my on that path longer than I know I should be.

We often fail to recognize that the bitterness road that we choose can become our prison.

So how do we escape it?

We have to borrow the eyes of God.

Our worldly eyes have been trained to look at things as “good” and “bad” in such a black and white way. But God’s eyes perceive so much more than our human ones do. They see the future and they see the muscles we need to grow for what lies ahead. They see our need for perseverance.

I can look back on my life and see the many moments before having Malachi that God was preparing me for something. Those hard trials that I despised in the moment are something I am so grateful for now, as I recognize the bigger picture required stronger muscles.

I know I default to this verse often, but it bears repeating again.

James 1:2-4 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

If you want a good devotion this week I encourage you to read that whole chapter (James 1) and see what else God wants you to see in it.

“Consider it”- that is a verb. It is something you have to choose to do. It is not a natural inclination to find joy in your trials. But when you are a child of God you recognize that He is strengthening you through even the hardest moments and preparing you for a task He has chosen specifically for you.

There are days that things like the box of onesies will grieve me. And I am not convinced that those inclinations will ever truly disappear. But when I ask to borrow the eyes of God and He gives me a glimpse at the hand He has had over my life I realize that having the box of onesies is a blessing. It reminds me that God, through Malachi, has prepared me to be a great mom to Levi. God built my muscles and allowed me to be a strong advocate for BOTH of my boys. He allowed me recognize to recognize that “quality of life” is a term that has been polluted by the world.

If you are like me and find yourself often on the bitterness road I challenge you this week to find a way to consider it all joy. Try to view your situation through the eyes of God and get a glimpse of His greater plan for your life.

And if you don’t know God at all, try talking to Him…it might surprise you how eager He is to answer you. Dig into the Bible as it is literally the word of God. If you seek Him you will find Him. And if you have any questions or I can help you in any way please feel free to reach out to me at jacobandleah@gmail.com

I am an ordinary woman put in charge of raising some extraordinary children. And while our walks may not look similar I would love to connect with you with my God.

Much love,

Leah