Malachi and I made it to Nashville and are settled into the hotel room for the night. There are a lot of moving parts to traveling for a surgery so tonight is pretty regimented out for us. We brought his nebulizer, cough assist, and CPT vest to keep his lungs as healthy and clear as we can before tomorrow morning. We also packed a bath chair so I can give him his final pre-op bath and wipe him down with chlorahexidine to sanitize his skin for surgery. We also will do final doses of medication and g-tube feeds right before midnight and try to catch a few hours of sleep.

Don’t tell on me, but I borrowed a luggage cart “long term” to get all of his gear into the room and since we are leaving very early in the morning we are just hanging onto it for now. Our car is packed with enough supplies for 10 days and if we need to be here longer we will make it work!

Malachi is one of the first surgeries in the morning and checks in at 5:30am CST. Once he is taken back we are expecting the entire procedure to last 7-8 hours.

This past week things got a little complicated as Malachi started running a random low grade fever. We wanted to make sure he was at his best for surgery so we met with his pediatrician to rule out ears, throat, etc and met with his pulmonologist to listen to his lungs. Thankfully everything came back clear and his fever stopped.

Levi has been an emotional wreck and can use some big prayers for peace. He keeps asking me if Malachi will be going to heaven tomorrow, and his fear just breaks my heart.

Malachi is in great spirits and enjoying the one on one time with mom. I filmed this little video for you so you can share in his joy.

This week has been a very tender week for me and the Lord.

Psalm 23:4 “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.”

While this surgery itself feels like a call to enter the valley of the shadow of death, the truth is that we have been in it for quite some time. This week as we spoke with Malachi’s pulmonologist and compared x-rays we were able to LITERALLY see that shadow of death creeping into my child’s lungs and threatening his life. You can compare these images and see how restricted his lungs are (the black areas behind his ribs).

We get so tired of this valley…the discouragement, the stench of death that distracts us, the darkness that dances on the edges of our minds as we consider the “what-ifs”.

This week I gave myself a chance to enter the thought trails of the what-ifs. And I sobbed as I thought about life without my Malachi. But then God did something so special….

He extended His rod and His staff and gave me His eyes for a moment.

He gave me eyes to see that the first steps Malachi will take are on streets of gold as he runs toward the Lord.

He gave me ears to hear that the first coherent words that Malachi will sing will be in the presence of the King.

The first time my Malachi will be able to bend his imperfect knees and bow his twisted back will be as he kneels at the throne of God.

God reminded me that the outcome of tomorrow will be exactly how He intended it to be.

Sometimes God takes us on journeys through the valley of the shadow of death so we can develop eyes that truly see the beautiful things He has been leading us to.

“Shall we accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?” Job 2:10

Tomorrow we will venture a bit deeper into that valley. And I am absolutely still feeling ALLLL the emotions that come with that journey.

But tonight I am grateful for the portion of comfort and peace that God graciously anoints us with within those trips through the valley.

I will be updating on the blog as often as my brain power allows but it will likely be later in the evening. Thank you for the continued prayers for each of us.

Sincerely,

Leah