As of tonight our summer has officially ended. Jake goes to work first thing in the morning and the boys schooling will start in a few days. Transitions are always difficult for our family and I am sure this week will be a wonky one!

The older and bigger that Malachi gets the more creative we have to be on helping him participate in the fun things around him. Over the last two weeks we have really stretched our physical limitations and boy has he had a blast. Inflatable water slides, indoor playgrounds, and time in the pool.

Levi has also had a memorable few weeks losing his first tooth, swimming, and riding his bike like a champ.

Jake and I were talking today about how much they have each changed this summer. Levi is growing up right before our eyes, both physically and cognitively. He is getting more consistent with his letters and their sounds and showing an interest in learning.

The amount of theological conversations that this child starts is genuinely mind blowing. Almost every night he asks some question that leads to all kinds of rabbit trails. Tonight he asked me if someone goes to jail does that mean that they don’t love Jesus. Which led to a lengthy conversation about repentance, forgiveness, and our sinful nature. The wheels in his mind spin every waking minute. And every sleeping minute apparently. He woke me up last week at 6:45 to ask me “What was Jesus’ last name?”

Malachi’s tastes for things is aging with him and he is offended by “little children” things (books, toys, movies, etc) He wants adventure and suspense. He loves a good plot line. This morning I was looking at him from far away and realizing what a young man he has become. I LOVE spending time with him- he is one the most genuine individuals I know and the fact that I get to spend so much time with him is a gift. I whispered to him tonight that we were about to get our special Malachi & mommy time back with the start of school approaching and he just grinned from ear to ear.

We have been really encouraging him to communicate as we prep him for going to a local school part time this year. He has been using his voice and his signs to try and communicate with us, and more importantly with others who are less familiar with his signs. He has been coming out of his shell a bit and expressing his likes and dislikes pretty clearly.

Physically he is growing and working hard in his therapies. We tried something called the spider cage last week and he was fascinated with the level of independence it provided.

And he still loves a good soccer match! Which is a good thing as our season begins next week.

There is a little anxiety that quietly brews in me at the end of each summer, knowing that our exposure to germs is about to skyrocket. But I have to keep reminding myself that we are aiming for quality of life over quantity of life and to leave it in God’s hands where it belongs.

I have been struggling with a lot of insecurities lately, particularly around my parenting. Am I doing enough for them spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally? Am I giving enough of my time and energy? Am I investing my time and energy into the right things with them?

The truth is that I will never achieve a level of parenting that I am fully satisfied with; and trying to do so is aiming at the wrong target.

Proverbs 21:21 “Whoever pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity, and honor.”

When our eyes are focuses on pursuing Christ the overflow of that pursuit will create sufficiency.

A walk with Christ doesn’t demand perfection…but it expects a striving for the one who is perfect. In fact, a walk with Christ often brings those imperfections to the surface where they can be seen, acknowledged, and removed by Him (sanctification).

Ahhh my heart is beating fast as I feel led into a time of transparency. Vulnerability is very hard for me.

I read a quote and it hit me in a profound way, specifically with some things I have been struggling with.

May Jesus be seen in me in spite of me.

A few months ago someone told me that I was living the life of a hypocrite and that they didn’t believe that I hear from the Lord. These words wrecked me in ways that I am not ready to get into. I long for my life to be an unclouded reflection of the Father. One of my continual prayers is that Christ be magnified and seen in my life and in the testimony we have been given. But in true Leah fashion I can smear a lot of things onto that mirror that make that reflection of Him hard to see.

I am an imperfect person. I am a sub-par Christian. I struggle with anxiety and depression. I have a sin nature. The flesh in me battles the Spirit of God in me. I have motherhood moments, friendship moments, wife moments that I am not proud of. If I have ever conveyed anything other than this through these blogs or any conversations, I sincerely apologize and ask for your forgiveness.

Please hear me acknowledge this: I. Am. Broken.

But please listen to me when I say this: God is bigger than my imperfections.

And He uses earthen vessels- even filthy ones like me- to magnify His name. And oh, how I am thankful for His grace and mercy.

My prayer is that God shines through me in spite of me. This prayer doesn’t absolve me of a sincere and concerted effort to pursue righteousness and a relationship with God. But instead this prayer acknowledges that God is greater than any sabotage to His plans that my flesh can bring into a situation.

I pray that when you read these entries you see evidence of a Creator; and God’s story playing out in the life of our family. The intent of starting this blog was to highlight God’s many miracles in our family- and we are privileged to see miracle after miracle with these boys and even with our 16 years of marriage.

Galatians 2:19-21 “For through the law I died to the law so that I might live for God. I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!”

With genuine sincerity,

Leah