This week we had to stay close to home base again due to Malachi’s need for frequent diaper changes and medical supplies. I acknowledge that might be too much information, but it is something I never really thought about prior to having a special needs child so I assume you haven’t either. Sometimes the outings just aren’t worth the incredible amount of prep work and unknowns. I am very eager to give him his last dose of one of the antibiotics tomorrow and hope that will make a difference with his stomach upset.

We did venture out a few times this week. Jake’s high school soccer team had a local game so I loaded up the boys to go watch. I let Malachi choose which dog would get to go with us for a bit of training and he chose Shiloh with his signs. I told him he was in charge of making sure Shiloh stayed by his side for the game and he took his job very seriously.

Levi picked out his glasses and they will be ready for pick up in a few days. I am still trying to figure out how to sell him on the idea…he is pretty resistant to wearing them. But I have to say, he looks so cute in them!

Levi is four years old now and wants to be very busy. Every morning he asks me ”what are we doing today?” And when we are going through seasons of needing to stay home he goes a bit stir crazy.

Earlier this week he asked me what our plans were for the next day and I told him some friends were coming over for a Bible study. Later that night I found this sweet pile of clothes he had set out so he would be ready for his friends when he woke up. I don’t know if all four year olds do this, but his foresight to pick out even his socks was impressive to me.

A few more fun snapshots from our week…

I have to laugh out loud when I look at the last two pictures. In the first one there is a beautiful stack of towels folded neatly on the chair in the background. It gives off the illusion I have it all together. But then the second one hits and the giant pile of clothes that are still waiting to be folded (after 2 days) is a more accurate reflection of Carroll land.

It is also an accurate reflection of the amount of laundry we are burning through on these stinkin’ antibiotics!

Tonight I am weary. And I am cranky. And I am feeling hypocritical when I think about writing you a devotional thought, as my heart and mind are at war.

In full transparency, this week has been a very hard one on a psychological level. The medical routines I am running are dictating our daily schedule and by the end of the day I can’t point to a lot of things that we achieved with our 24 hours (aside from keeping everyone alive). Sleep is extremely limited right now, and the 3-5 hours I am getting are broken up by the medical needs of both kids. When my eyes open each morning a feeling of dread overcomes me as I know the rest I received wasn’t quite enough to sustain me.

I get stuck in a mood of dissatisfaction. Have you ever been there before? I could make you a giant list in ten seconds or less of all the things I am dissatisfied with in my life right now.

But as I have been sitting here staring at this screen, God has yet again come through and placed a very specific scripture on my heart. I know this concept may feel foreign to you, so let me explain a bit.

I have been praying ”God if there is something I need to say here, please make it known.” I never sit down to write these with a specific direction to go. I simply stare at the screen and ask God to start writing.

And tonight when I prayed that prayer, the words ”To accept your lot in life is indeed a gift from God” flowed into my brain. It didn’t sound like a scripture, but rather a famous quote from someone like Ben Franklin or some other profound mind so I typed it into google and sure enough, there is was in Ecclesiastes! God is always so gracious to me in providing me with the bread of life when I need it the most.

I am fairly confident it is more for me than for you this evening, but I am going to trust God can make it mutually beneficial for both of us.

Ecclesiastes 5:18-20 ”This is what I have observed to be good: that it is appropriate for a person to eat, to drink and to find satisfaction in their toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given them—for this is their lot. Moreover, when God gives someone wealth and possessions, and the ability to enjoy them, to accept their lot and be happy in their toil—this is a gift of God. They seldom reflect on the days of their life, because God keeps them occupied with gladness of heart.”

My prayer this week is that God grants me eyes to find satisfaction in my toilsome labor under the sun. I pray that He continues to provide contentment to me within my lot in life, that I embrace and accept that lot instead of clinging to the dissatisfaction that my eyes are drawn to.

And that last verse is a prayer itself: “They seldom reflect on the days of their life, because God keeps them occupied with gladness of heart.”

Because GOD keeps them occupied with gladness of heart. What a reminder to me that the heart contentment I long for right now is created, grown, and multiplied within the hands of God.

Please pray for our family this week, that we experience a bit of relief from upset tummy-aches, seizures, and lots of other small issues that stem from these things. Pray for a rejuvenating dose of normalcy for the boys, so that they can reset their routines and we can all get some much needed rest.

Much love,

Leah