Thrill of Hope

We have snow! Getting outside as a family and playing in the snow is always a challenge, and Malachi’s way too aware for one of us to take just Levi outside to play. This is our first real snow with the ”little truck” and getting to drive around the yard and play in the snow was just so special.

Lately we have been staying tucked in and hiding from germs. These past few months have been so difficult on our family and the new covid variant is hitting our area hard. So hard, in fact, that Jake’s school system closed due to illness.

We did have one appointment early this week to see the dentist about Malachi’s molar. He recently had a crown break off and cut up his mouth pretty badly before it completely came off. While we were there we also had them examine Levi’s teeth, which is always an adventure. I couldn’t get him to pose for a picture- he was halfway out the door ready to leave that place.

Malachi’s sleeping patterns lately have been such a challenge to navigate around. Right now he is finally committing to sleep between 3-4am. I can get him to fall asleep before then but inevitably every single night he wakes up over and over again with seizures until finally giving into sleep. The psychological aspect from that routine is so so hard for me to deal with and I can imagine how hard it must be on his little body and brain.

Add Levi into the mix and things get even more complicated. If I put him to bed at a typical bedtime for kids his age he will be up by 8am, leaving me with very little sleep. So I am keeping him up until after midnight so all three of us can get a little rest.

Without there being a recognizable ”end” to our day to count on it is very easy for each day to merge into the next one. And each day is so similar to the last, with the medication schedule and feeding schedules being priorities that we work the rest of the day around. We are held prisoner often by the demands our life requires to keep the kids alive. I recognize that is a very harsh way to word it, but the inability to have flexibility within our day has so much potential to sprout bitterness and discontentment in my heart.

But I recognize there is going to be a day that I will long desperately to go back to these routines and tasks. So while they are psychologically challenging they are refining me in such a big way and reminding me of the need to be present as much as possible in the season of life that I am currently planted in.

Sometimes we have to create the contentment.

We have to reshape our thinking and change the narrative that naturally flows from our thoughts. This world has trained us to be victims, constantly pointing out the ways it has wronged us or let us down.

When I choose to view dark moments as God “planting me” somewhere I cling to the knowledge that I will only be in darkness until I grow enough to sprout through it.

That thrill of hope is what fuels me. When you look through the Bible you find that most of the characters spent years planted in darkness. In most cases it wasn’t a punishment, but rather a season of darkness they had to experience to create growth. And each time they emerged from those dark places their impact for the Lord was even greater. They never clung to their victim mentality, but rather owned the new creation God was continuing to sculpt them to be.

I am choosing to believe that this hard season we are is teaching us lessons we otherwise would never get the privilege to learn.

I usually try to include a Bible verse with each blog entry, but tonight I am going to switch it up and end with a C.S. Lewis quote that speaks to my heart.

I suggest to you that it is becuase God loves us that He gives us the gift of suffering. Pain is God’s megaphone to rouse a deaf world. You see, we are like blocks of stone out of which the Sculptor carves the forms of men. The blows of His chisel, which hurt us so much are what make us perfect.” -C.S. Lewis

Much love,


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