In typical Carroll fashion life has continued to go a little wayward. For the last two weeks we have passed around a sickness that has affected breathing with both boys.

Levi’s airway had not fully recovered from his airway surgery when he started symptoms. His breathing was already labored and worsened significantly for about a week and a half. He also ended up with double ear infections and some other secondary crud.

If I am being honest, I was incredibly discouraged, worried that his voice quality and breathing issues were going to be his new normal. If they stayed at that level than a new airway procedure was certainly in our near future. But after a visit with pulmonology, steroids, and lots of breathing treatments he has settled into a very audible voice and easy breathing at rest.

I am still hearing some breathing struggles when he is active but it isn’t as bad as pre-op. So right now we are in a safe range.

A quick praise report: Levi went for follow up X-rays last week and he no longer needs the boot! Thankfully the fracture was not on a growth plate. This weekend he has been limping a bit and complaining of pain in the fractured spot so I a little thrown off by his new complaints. But hopefully we are officially able to put that behind us.

Malachi made it through the initial symptoms really well, but in true Malachi fashion he got nearly better then all of the sudden worse. Usually that means something has settled in his lungs. He already has lung disease so he is very susceptible to things turning bad quickly.

He had spotty mild fevers for most of the week but they self resolved. But Friday afternoon he lost all of his color and dropped his saturations very suddenly. His heart rate skyrocketed and he was in clear distress. We put him on home oxygen and he required 4 liters to keep his saturations in the safe range.

We have the equipment at home to treat him up until a certain point so we are doing chest physical therapy with his vest, breathing treatments with a nebulizer, and running a cough assist machine every four hours. He is on an antibiotic for his lungs every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday anyway so we are adding in a few extra days to try to combat whatever might be brewing. Thankfully today he has been fever free and holding his own at 3 liters of oxygen.

We also got some very sweet smiles out of him today, which is a great sign he is headed the right direction.

Malachi is such an amazing kid and he does a great job communicating with us. Last time he needed the ICU I asked him if he was scared and he signed “yes”, which prompted us to take him on in. This round I have been able to isolate the main issues with his signs- Malachi signing no to ears, belly, peeing, etc. I am so proud of him for using his “voice”.

As I have stared at the monitors this week, watching his numbers ebb and flow, I couldn’t help but flashback to those early NICU days. There was so much helplessness in that setting and I never wanted to leave his side. Jake and I would stare at the monitors for hours each day, celebrating when he hit 100 on his saturations and worrying when we watched them dip.

I wanted so badly to do something to help, but interacting with Malachi would often overstimulate him and negatively affect him. I will never forget the moment I got to hold him for the first time, the team placing his wire covered body against mine and clipping his tubes to me. He was three weeks old and so small I could barely feel his little body…still less than 2 pounds. I remember seeing those monitors and watching his heart rate slowly start to drop into a comfortable range. I couldn’t do much for Malachi in that setting, but those moments we got to snuggle impacted us both in such a special way.

I have a love/hate relationship with medical monitors. They flash me back to so many relaxed moments and twice as many stressful ones. But having them here at the house is such an incredible blessing and helps me close my eyes with a little peace at night when he is sick, knowing they will wake me up if a problem arises. They are his voice and tell me so much about how he is feeling and what his needs in that moment may be.

I am trying to think of other things to share with you all, but unfortunately we have been pretty consumed in sickness and trying to get through each day. When we get into these cycles I can only focus on one hour at a time and the rest of life tends to stand still.

Levi was finally able to go back to school last week and is making such big gains, academically and emotionally. He even relaxed enough to take a nap with his class, which is huge!

Oh and Malachi is officially on billboards! Which is hilarious to me. They told us he can be found in Knoxville, Tri-Cities, and is coming soon to Chattanooga. Malachi is loving the attention, feeling like a celebrity.

While life has been a bit complicated still I can’t help but be incredibly thankful to be home. The month of August ended up being a really hard one for our family. And as hard things often do it exposed many of my inadequacies in all of my roles…as a wife, as a mother, and as the daughter of a King. But it is in those inadequacies that I am reminded of the grace and goodness of God.

Ephesians 3:14-19 For this reason I bend my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner self, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled to all the fullness of God.

I have been thinking a lot about love lately and all of the many ways the Bible talks about it. And what it means to be “rooted and grounded in love”.

Sometimes love is easy. And sometimes it is really, really hard.

I am continually thankful for the example Christ lays out for us, a love that surpasses knowledge and fills us to all the fullness of God.

1 Corinthians 16:14 “Let all that you do be done in love.”

This verse has been on repeat in my mind, mouth, and heart over the last two weeks. There are many things we do each day that are motivated by love. But what about the hard things, the uncomfortable things, the self-sacrificing things life calls us to do? Those are the moments that we get to display a love that we can’t manufacture- a love that is is a reflection of the Father’s love.

Are we pursuing a life rooted and grounded in love?

Please continue to pray over the health of our family. Pray for Malachi to continue to trend in the positive direction for healing and that we can avoid a hospitalization. Please pray for Levi to continue to be safe with his breathing, even when active. Pray for Jake and I as we navigate the unknown each day seems to be bringing. And pray that our eyes remain focused on God, even amidst the distractions around us.

Sincerely,

Leah